Yes, Virginia, there really is a Wormwood Studios.  You have seen their films and you would recognize their logo if we could show it to you.  However, for legal reasons, we cannot.Wormwood Studios has produced and distributed approximately 700 movies since it was formed back in 1923.  Its films have won 125 Cocksker awards.   The studio is one of the seven major movie studios in Hollywood.   It continues to carry a lot of weight in a heavy town.

 

The studio still resides in the heart of Hollywood.  You can find it just down the street from Paramount Studios.  Wormwood Studios has private tours daily from 9am to 3pm.  Turn right, onto Country Club Lane, and Wormwood is at the end of the dead-end street.

When you park your car and get out, the first thing you’ll notice is the terrible stench.  You see, just on the other side of Wormwood Studios is the Baivar Tallow Company, a smelly place that melts certain animals, like horses, into glue.  The tallow company has been there as long as Wormwood Studios.   

As a matter of fact, the first sound stage of Wormwood Studios was one of the tallow company’s warehouses that stored piles of animal carcasses.  Some employees of the studio swear, even to this day, that they see the ghosts of dead animals wondering the studio grounds late at night.

 

 

The founder of Wormwood Studios was a man of mystery.  No one knew his real name, or where he actually came from.  He insisted on being called Gregor.  No one knew if that was the first or last name.  He had a foreign accent and many people assumed he came from Eastern Europe.  He first appeared in Hollywood soon after the end of the First World War.  He started as the Chief Accountant of the impoverished Wonder World Studios.  He quickly learned how movies were made, then formed his own company.

 

Gregor, circa 1944, at the height of power

 

Gregor was ruthless.  Once, while playing golf with Louie B. Mayer, Gregor became enraged when Louie accused him of stealing one of MGM’s young starlets.  Gregor lashed out at Louie, who was a very strong man in his own right.  Louie fell to the ground and Gregor pounced on Louie and proceeded to try and rip the windpipe out of Louie’s throat.  He would have succeeded if not for the quick intervention of some flunky assistants nearby.  From that day on Mr. Mayer respected Mr. Gregor.

 

 

Gregor was something of an anomaly.  He was, by all accounts, Jewish, but many of his studio’s films bordered on being anti-Semitic.  One of his most notorious and popular films, WATCHER OF THE BAIT, depicted a Jewish thief who rapes and kills an innocent deaf girl.  In one small southern town, after watching the film, a few local yokels dragged a young northern Jewish accountant to his death. 
Many of Gregor’s films were favored viewing by Adolf Hitler.
Once, when asked about his ethnicity, Gregor answered, “I am, first and foremost, an American.  God bless America.”
Every year he threw lavish Christmas parties and dressed as Santa Claus.  At one of these parties, after having had a few too many martinis, Gregor, or Santa, pulled out one of his beloved Luger pistols and pointed it at his own image in a nearby mirror.  He screamed, “You are the scum of the earth!”
Then he shot the mirror full of holes.

 

He was said to admire Hitler, but produced some of the most ferociously anti-Nazi films ever made.

When several of his studio’s Jewish screenwriters attempted to start a union, he accused them of being commies and destroyed their careers.

Twice, while visiting other cities, Gregor was accused of raping local girls.  Both times, charges were dropped.
 

Steffan, The Horrible
Like most of the old Studio Moguls, Gregor lost power with the advent of TV.  His own son, Steffan, whom Gregor had groomed to take his place, ousted his dad in a violent takeover.  The two men actually fought for over an hour in one the studios screening rooms.  Blood splattered on the crimson walls and blended with the fabric.  The old man lost the fight and, broken and bitter, remained in a wheelchair for the remainder of his life.

 

Steffan was a horrible studio head.  Films made during his tenure were all box-office poison.  His departure in the late 1960’s was hardly noticed by anyone in Hollywood.

 

 

If Gregor had been mysterious, then the next Studio Head was downright phantasmagoric.  Not only did no one know where Mr. Fairfax had come from, but, also, no one ever saw Mr. Fairfax.  Many people in town swore Fairfax did not exist.   By all accounts, he actually lived in Wormwood Studios and never left its grounds.

As far as the stockholders were concerned, however, Fairfax could be the Devil himself and it wouldn’t matter.  You see, the fact is, the films chosen by Fairfax were all huge moneymakers.  Everything he touched turned to gold for Wormwood Studios and that extraordinary ‘gift’ continues to this day.

Mr. Fairfax remains firmly in control of Wormwood Studios today.  He is often compared to the studio bosses of old.  He knows what the public wants and he knows movies.   Some people have dubbed him ‘Old King Hollywood.’

No one knows how old he is, but everyone fears he will drop dead from old age at any time, and there is no successor to his throne.  

Somehow, even though Mr. Fairfax has always remained invisible to the public eye, he did find time to have a son.  The boy’s mother is also a mystery.  Some say she was a small-time actress who died during childbirth.  As with everything else about Fairfax, the truth will probably never be known.

One thing is a certainty, however, Fairfax’s son does not possess his father’s gift.  He is said to do nothing but ride around the studio lot on a bicycle all day.  He screams out only one word, over and over again:   “Anank!”  “Anank!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Click on each picture to enlarge for a better view

 
Currently, Wormwood Studios is releasing two Kevin Wilcox films, BULLETTES, and DEAR HUNTER, both directed by Mr. Wilcox, the biggest movie star in the world.

 

Four films we look forward to from Wormwood Studios are, LOST HORIZON (a non-musical re-make with Stallone), THE GREAT ESCAPE (an all-female re-make starring Sharon Stone), THE SEARCHERS (an all-black re-make directed by Spike Lee and starring Morgan Freeman), and THE APARTMENT (starring Ann Heche and Brendan Fraser).

Farther down the road, Wormwood Studios has announced the making of the biggest epic of all time: THE SON OF GOD, the true to life story of Jesus Christ, starring Kevin Wilcox.  He will also produce and direct it. So far, 12 writers have written drafts.

Look for it at a theater near you in about two years.